the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
