I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
