Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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