His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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