paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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