Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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