I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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