I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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