Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
