I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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