Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
