This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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