Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
