My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She bit a glass in half.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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