you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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