The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
