so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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