I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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