He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
