Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I party with great urgency now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
