Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
