My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
