Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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