Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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