At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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