its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
