saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
