Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
