Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
