I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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