I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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