If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
