All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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