I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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