I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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