...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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