If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
