Who wears a wallet chain?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.