I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
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adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.