I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY