Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

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  (773): so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse http://tfl.nu/dvkx
  Replies (9) Good night (713) Bad night (4263)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

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  (256): There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night?? http://tfl.nu/8e78
  Replies (33) Good night (954) Bad night (2741)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (36) Good night (8982) Bad night (1146)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7764) Bad night (1082)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.

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  (860): no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed. http://tfl.nu/hsf7
  Replies (8) Good night (3904) Bad night (1273)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad

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  (229): Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad http://tfl.nu/2cin
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (831)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not seeing this movie with you.

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  (405): VAGINAS ASSEMBLE! (580): I'm not seeing this movie with you. http://tfl.nu/6pon
  Replies (9) Good night (1582) Bad night (1007)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

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  (612): I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head. http://tfl.nu/qs4d
  Replies (26) Good night (769) Bad night (1451)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?

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  (516): I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight? http://tfl.nu/oach
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (502)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"

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  (828): Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole" http://tfl.nu/3q74
  Replies (21) Good night (674) Bad night (2101)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message

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  (719): If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message http://tfl.nu/usun
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (405)
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  (760): View more from California

  I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico

  (760): View more from California

  You can wake up to my rainbow of failure

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  (760): I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico (760): You can wake up to my rainbow of failure http://tfl.nu/n9kz
  Replies (0) Good night (428) Bad night (651)
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  (510): View more from California

  I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus

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  (510): I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus http://tfl.nu/am4v
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (364)
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  (714): View more from California

  I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.

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  (714): I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner. http://tfl.nu/e65g
  Replies (3) Good night (534) Bad night (291)
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  (714): View more from California

  I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?

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  (714): I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/i9uq
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (676)

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