you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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