A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize