So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
