sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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