So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
