For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
