More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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