I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
