man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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