I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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