he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
