If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
