Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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