I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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