My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I died a long time ago.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize