Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you never un-have a 4some
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
