I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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