my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
