if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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