idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
