You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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