So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
