Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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