No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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