Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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