if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
