I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
