There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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