I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
