Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
