well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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