You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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