sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
