Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
