Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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