People in love make me want to vomit
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There r osticjed everywhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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