currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize