Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
