I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
